When I took the S.H.A.P.E. spiritual gifting survey last week I was unprepared for how it would challenge me. I was all ready to see the survey reflect what I "already knew" to be true about myself and was shocked to find what I considered to be my strengths listed below traits I felt weak in. I may enjoy teaching and encouraging people, but my biggest strength just might be my faith in the Lord, followed by closely by mercy for others. I suppose that is what happens when you think you know yourself better than God knows you... actually I feel a sense of relief knowing that God knows me better than I know myself. It allows me to give up a little more my desire to understand everything about myself, the desire to be in control of everything.
Let me start by saying a simple 7 page survey cannot begin to touch on the spiritual gifts God has given a person. I look at this survey as a starting point, a way to see things in a new light. I am not discouraged by the results I saw, I am intrigued and excited. If what I thought was true about myself might not actually be the case, what next? What is in store for me? What does God have in mind?
I have come to see that my focus on teaching and encouragement left me sitting smack in the middle of my past. Those used to be by my core strengths and I still excel at both, however I have been blessed with new gifts as I have grown in my relationship with the Lord. In the past I used to believe that God had good things in store for everyone else, but not for me; I saw myself as unworthy and lacking in value. I found solace in encouraging others as the relief they found through their interactions with me gave me a small sense of purpose. What little value I believed I had often came from my ability to help others discover their creative talents. Looking back I can see how sad this was. God wanted more for me, a whole lot more.
As I have walked side by side with God through a number of trials I have come to realize how faithful he is. The results of my struggles have never been what I hoped for or wanted, they have always been much, much better. This has helped me see that his plan for me is bigger and way more robust than I could ever imagine. As he is continually faithful to me, my faith in him has grown.
So now that I have this faith, what am I supposed to do with it? Well, already faith has given me the ability to step out and do things that used to terrify me. (like getting out of bed, for example... (yes, seriously!)) It is a continual effort - to overcome my fears and fully trust the Lord - but one that gets progressively easier. This wonderful gift of faith enhances all the others that God has blessed me with. It helps me continually return to him for love and support as opposed to looking inward or to other people for peace of mind and well being. It allows me to stretch further outside of my comfort zone in order to do what God has given me to do as I know I am safe and loved fully by him and that he will not let me fail.
But how does God want me to use my faith to follow him more closely and what does any of this this have to do with anyone else? Check back in a few and I'll fill you in on what I believe God has in mind!
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